At one of my previous jobs, we were each treated to a massage by a highly skilled masseuse.

This was my first experience with bodywork.

I went in with a clear head and no worries.

Of course, the massage felt fantastic.

But what I will never forget is what happened when the masseuse started focusing on my neck – lifting my head and working out the tension from underneath – shoulders to ears.

To my surprise, feelings that I had no idea were there bubbled to the surface.

I started fighting back tears.

There was a physical release of tension and a simultaneous release of emotion.

Afterward, the masseuse asked me what had happened, she had felt something shift as well.

I had no clue what to say or what was wrong – everything had been fine!

What I didn’t know then, but now realize, is that feelings that are shoved down inside and aren’t dealt with can be stored in the body as tension and physical pain.

At some point, something that ticked me off, made me ashamed or powerless – whatever it was – I filed away in my neck area rather than allowing myself to express it.

The masseuse had jarred it loose years after I stuck it there.

Now I know that this release of emotion is called catharsis – something I had never heard of at the time of my “cry-massage.”

​In this article, I want to explore:

Cathartic activities let out emotions and feelings when they are overloading the system.

The people who understand how to use catharsis without even trying are toddlers.

When they have emotions – good or bad – they cry, run, break stuff, dance, scream, do whatever they feel like.

Then what do they do?

They sleep.

There is the storm and then there is the calm.

Once the emotions exit the body, toddlers feel more at peace.

This works the same way for adults, although to have anyone want to be around us, it has to look a little different at 37 than it does at 2.

​What I have found is that even at 45, I need to let out way more feelings than I currently do.

My therapist first suggested that catharsis could help me let go of pent-up emotions (and the physical symptoms that come along with them – like my chronic jaw pain).

The more I looked into this, the more good reasons I found to do so.

​Here are things that catharsis can do:

I saw these big, important reasons to try cathartic activities, but also wondered why I hadn’t been doing them all along.

If we do this instinctively as toddlers, why am I now bound up tight as a drum and suppressing emotions like it’s my job?

​Why is catharsis so hard?

After realizing how catharsis is beneficial, my next question was, if it’s so great and easy, why don’t people do it more often?

Fair question.

There may be societal reasons.

Western society, at least, devalues the need to release emotions.

​Here’s how:

When wondering about why I don’t scream out loud on the daily to let out what is ticking me off, I realized that there may be some personal reservations as well:

These reasons made me realize the importance of deliberately seeking out catharsis because:
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​1. Catharsis can help release whatever is hiding in there – even if we aren’t aware we are storing any feelings.

2. We may suppress emotions and then treat the symptoms from the suppression, not deal with it directly.

My next step was to figure out how to actually do this.

I researched, brainstormed, and discovered near-infinite ways to practice catharsis.

From what I can tell, the method isn’t that important.

If it works, it works.

One interesting idea came from a book I’m currently reading, “No Bad Parts” by Richard Schwartz.

He is the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy.

​Dr. Schwartz’s method is much more complex and nuanced than how I will describe it – since he is an actual doctor – but here is the gist of one practice: